yes im a boy
yes i knit things
This guy should be some crazy DC villain…
OH MY GOD YES PLEASE.
oh god someone do this
GET ON IT
I think I’ll call him… THE KNITTER!
He robs banks with the help of his little quilted monsters
can anyone put an end to his reign of warm and cozy terror!?
Sitting in a hunched over position at a local cafe, a twenty-something male knits furiously. The people around him don’t notice until he starts cackling maniacally. The laugh grows louder and louder until even the kid in the corner mixing beats takes off his head phones.
“Dude, what the hell. I’m writing my novel.” Says a girl, looking up with bloodshot eyes from the corner table. Pastry papers litter her table.
“FOOLS! While you were so absorbed in yourselves, I have knitted your doom!” He leaps to the table, knocking over his untouched Chai Latte. From his fingers unfurl all colors of yarn and attached to the other ends are his Yarn Minions!
“Aw, they’re so cute! Do you have an Etsy?” She is the first to go. The minion latches onto her throat with a ferocity that no one had foreseen from these cute yarn creatures. Again, the boy begins to laugh.
“You shall all fall to THE KNITTER! Yes I’m a boy! Yes, I KNIT!” The cafe quickly dissolves into chaos around him as the monsters wreak havoc.
“Who can stop him?!” Cries the barista behind the counter, just before he is smothered.
A crash is heard and all heads turn towards the front door.
“There’s a sale on yarn down at the fabric store!” Comes a call.
The Knitter lets out a shriek and all ears around him begin to bleed. But his minions are reigned in and he bolts out the door.
“I can finally buy that cashmere yarn I’ve been wanting.” Is the last thing they hear as he dashes down the street.